The Unexpected...

Have you ever felt like you couldn't feel the spirit? But you REALLY wanted to? It feels like something is clouding your mind or is blocking you from feeling. And it isn't because you are sinning or because you are NOT doing something you should be doing... in fact, there is no obvious explanation you can find. You just can't feel. Your prayers hit the ceiling, or so it feels, and you try so hard but you can't feel those warm fuzzies.

I felt like that when I was pregnant. I don't know why I felt that way, but I did, and I hated it. Maybe hormone imbalances? Maybe some kind of depression?? I didn't feel depressed...
...I still have no clue what it was or why I was that way for nine months.

To clarify... I don't mean that I didn't cry when I was pregnant. Oh... Oh OH the crying! But my pregnancy crying was never because I felt spiritual or something special. It was always because I was sad, overwhelmed, or for no good/logical reason.

Well, finally, three months after birth... I can feel the Spirit again. I realized I had this problem during my pregnancy, and it frustrated me... but I didn't realize the extent of it until recently when it all came back. About a month after I had little E I all of a sudden noticed the change. It felt as if my tear ducts had unclogged and I couldn't help but feel the spirit and/or get emotional with the smallest things. The fog lifted, I could feel again.

Now I feel things all the time. I feel closer to the Spirit and in turn I feel closer to my Heavenly Father. I actually get personal enrichment from the smallest things. I can see the lessons He wants me to learn in life. My prayers move past the ceiling. I feel. My sister said the other day that the Spirit is in everything good. I love that! And now I can feel the Spirit in everything good.

I'm still not sure what exactly happened to me during those nine months that made it so hard to feel the Spirit. I'm so glad I'm "back to normal" now. I missed sitting in Relief Society and feeling that warmth come over me. I missed feeling compelled to bare my testimony. I missed feeling the affirmation of the Spirit when I learned new truths. And I missed feeling like I had a close and always growing relationship with Heavenly Father. I'm BACK. And I cry at the drop of a hat. But I cry about the good things as well as the bad. All things happy and sad. I'm most excited about the happy cries. Yep. I'm back.